Lost…

Posted: September 2, 2013 in Short Stories
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

lost

I wonder if you’ve ever felt this way

 

Sitting next to him not saying a word. The awkward silence apart from the sounds coming from the tv. Just staring at it, mind totally far from what was on the screen. What happened to us? What happened to the spark between us? The fire burning? The uncontrollable feelings? Where did it all go? She thought to herself. “We can’t continue like this, I think we should end this, I’m breaking up with you”. The words playing in her head over and over again. Which should she go with? Which would be subtle enough? Which wouldn’t hurt as much, for the both of them, especially for him though? If only she could just summon up enough confidence and let it out. Damn the consequences and the pain. Oh, the so much pain for both of them.

It used to be so much better. They used to have a lot of fun. The outings, the crazy stuff they did, the flirting, the mind games, the communication, their first kiss and the sex. The sex was freaking awesome, no denying that.

It was like God used a needle and entwined their souls together but now it feels like it had been ripped apart. Now her conscience seems to be playing tug of war with her heart. She has hurt him so bad and yet he had forgiven her. Let go of the hurt and moved on like nothing happened and showed her love like never before. It had only been a few months since then and he was over it but she knew she was slowly going numb to his care. He had sacrificed too much for her, for them to be together, for it to work and she shouldn’t do this to him. She knows that’s not the end of him being hurt but she can’t help it, sooner or later she has to end it all, whenever she has the courage to let it out. Tell him that it wasn’t only that one time she had said it was and that it had continued secretly and even more frequently than before. She hadn’t been totally honest with him and that ate deep into her because he doesn’t deserve it.

If only she hadn’t met his friend. God curse and bless the day he introduced us. The way he stared at her while they were all hanging out. Like his eyes were piercing through her soul. The night he came over to his place and she was the only one at home, the touch, the kiss, the tensed up atmosphere, the passion…… she could still feel it coursing through her body like it was happening at that moment. The late nights, the secret meetings in different car parks and the unquenchable desire. She wanted him so bad. How could something so wrong feel so good? She kept on asking herself. She wants to kill what she feels for his friend and move on with him, try to make it work no matter what but it’s too late. It’s like trying to drown a fish. It’s impossible. The spark slowly burning hotter inside her for his friend isn’t helping the situation at all.

His touch brings her back to reality, she’s obviously shaken.

He smiles and asks “are you okay love?” His voice so calm and concerned. So loving with every sense of the word.

She forces a smile back and says she’s fine. She sees he knows that she’s lying but he lets it slide. He could always tell when something was wrong with her. He pulls her closer to himself, wraps his hand around her and kisses her on her forehead. His touch and the way he cuddles with her always had a way of making her feel safe. She felt the safest in his arms.

Deep down she knows the feeling is slowly dying, its feels empty, like its void. It is the same emptiness that made her long to be in the arms of his friend too. She feels stupid for feeling this way but she can’t help it. She knew the right thing to do for herself was the wrong thing to do to him. Her mom always said to her “your happiness should come first but not at the expense of others own” and if she should go by that, it would leave him totally devastated. She knows he loves her more than life itself and it hurts even more to let go.

As she lies there in his arms, staring absent mindedly at the tv, she’s wondering how long it would take her to finally come to terms with the truth and have the strength to voice it out. When is she going to stop chasing the dead end and turn back?

She’s lost. Lost in this, without an easy way out. 

 

*Sorry for the wait…

 

JAY
 
@surestboi_JAY
 
www.facebook.com/jaysblog
Comments
  1. lizzybetsy says:

    *scrolling down n up again** *bbm confused smiley**
    Ahn ahn..Dat can’t be d end na
    😦
    U av 2 tell us wah hpnd “l8r” na 🙂

    Nywaiz..lovely piece jay
    Keep d gud work
    Twas worth d wait 😉

    Like

  2. edia hannah says:

    Jay, ds is rily rily nice. Thumbs up

    Like

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