Archive for January, 2014

The Grudge


I wake up feeling weak, I run to the bathroom and vomit, I feel so terrible. I start putting our things together. My stomach rumbles, I realize this feeling is familiar. I call the reception, a lady picks up the phone, I ask her if she can help me get a Pregnancy Test Strip and she says she can’t. I would buy one as soon as I get to the airport, I better not be pregnant.

Dele drives us to the airport; he is quiet the whole time. He has still not mentioned my mother. I am equally lost in thoughts. The kids are chatty in the back seat, they seem extremely happy today.

As soon as we get to the airport I enter one of the shops and buy the strip, leave my family and head straight for the restrooms. My hands are shaking as I take a pee, I don’t think I am ready to be pregnant again, not with all this drama. I wait for five minutes. I know even before I look at it, I am pregnant.

I should tell Dele. I rush out and see my husband sitting dejectedly on a seat with his head down. He is crying, he is inconsolable.

“They are gone.” He says.

Without asking, I know he is referring to my kids, for the second time in four days, I faint.

My mum is beside me when I wake up; she’s holding me with one hand, her rosary in the other. I don’t want to know what is going on, I look around and I am at home, in my own bed. I smile, I bet Dele isn’t worrying anymore. Chinedu has done his worst. We can as well go back home and plan from there. My mum tries to recount her experience with the kidnappers to me, can’t she tell that I am not interested. My babies are gone.

I cut her off midsentence, “Where is my husband?” I ask her. She leaves to get him.

As soon as Dele comes in I look at him, he looks ten years older than he did 4 days ago.

“What are we going to do Dele?” I ask.

He says he is talking to some people and that he has it under control. At this point I know he is a joker. I tell him that I need to eat and I leave for the kitchen. Half way there, I realize what I have to do, I pick up my car keys and head for the police station.

I recount my ordeal to the DPO and he can almost not believe my story. He explains that he has to wait for 24 hours before he can begin to treat my children’s case as a missing persons’ case. I am not fazed. I ask him if he also has to wait 24 hours to arrest a murderer. He says no. He can hardly believe what I am implying, neither can I but I want my babies and I will throw anyone under the bus to get them. I drop the address with a threat that I would personally call the Commissioner of police if nothing is done within the hour.

By the time I get back to the car I see 7 missed calls from my husband, I don’t bother calling back. I go straight home. Dele looks so relieved to see me. I tell him I needed some air and I had to take a drive. I can’t think straight, I feel dizzy! I should eat. My mother is busy cooking when I enter the house. I remember she cooks as a form of therapy. I suddenly feel sorry for her. She has been through a lot this week. She was kidnapped, she has no idea why and now her beloved grand children were missing. I realized she would understand more because she had been in the company of these men.

“What were they like mum?” I ask.

“Ehn?” She replied.

I tell her to explain what her time was like with the kidnappers. She tells me that they were nice to her, they said their business was with her son-in-law, she ate thrice a day and had a room to herself. I feel some relief hearing all this.

I was still smiling when I hear a knock on the door, it is the police. They arrest my husband, as he leaves with them, he tells me to call his lawyer. I don’t know what to do so I drive behind them to the station, my mum sitting beside me as I tell her Dele’s story.

Dele has been drilled for hours by the police and I am not sure what he has told them but I know that the police had begun to search for Chinedu.

It’s been two days since my kids disappeared, I am home with my mum, Dele is still in police custody. People have been coming to commiserate with me, bad news travels fast. I even hear that newspapers are carrying my story claiming that they interviewed me, I have not given any interviews, I have cried my eyes out and I am waiting for news about my babies.

I am sleeping when my mum comes into my room; the police commissioner is here to see me. I immediately know something is wrong. I rush to the sitting room and he asks me to sit. He came with two officers, one of them has tribal marks and my mind drifts as I try to decipher what part of the country he is from. The commissioner calls out to me and he tells me they had found Chinedu. What is my business? I almost blurt out, I want my kids. And then I hear him say the worst thing I have ever heard in my life.

“When we got there, we were too late, he had raped and killed the kids.” He said.

“Whose kids?” I shout. I was wailing and crying. I don’t understand, people are holding me, the room is spinning, and my soul and body have separated. I am finished.


5 months later

I am seven months along, my tummy is so large, and it’s the only thing that makes me smile. I walk to the car and head for the court. Today, Chinedu and Dele would face the court and we shall finally hear their sides of the story.

My husband is almost unrecognizable when he is brought out and forced into the dock. He has long forgiven me for turning him in. He recounts the events of the night when he killed Chinedu’s dad. He mentions a lot of details that he never mentioned to me. He tells the court how he and his four gang members took turns and raped Chinedu’s mother and sister. He tells the court how he fled and he tries to convince everyone that he is a changed man. I am overwhelm with emotions, I think I am having contractions.

Eventually Chinedu comes out and tells his story of pain and betrayal. He is convinced that Dele knew that it was his family he was attacking, he says he feels no remorse for killing my kids, he tells the court that he enjoyed raping my kids because he could finally cause immeasurable pain to Dele. I cannot bear to listen to him; I get up to leave the court. As I try to walk, my water broke.

“I am having a baby.” I scream. I am rushed to the hospital. An emergency evacuation is scheduled, the baby is still premature. I have not shopped for this child, I am not even sure if I want him/her. I don’t want new responsibilities, I want to kill myself. I am now a laughing stock of all our former friends. It’s with these thoughts I finally drift off as I am rolled in for surgery.

I don’t know how long I was asleep, I wake up startled. The nurse runs to my side.

“How do you feel ma?” she asks.

“I am fine, my body hurts but I am fine.”

She asks if I am ready to see my baby, I say yes. She gets another nurse to help her and they put me on a wheel chair. They roll me to another room. There are two incubators so I ask which one my baby is in, they say both. I could not believe it. Twins. Two boys. My babies.

We have finally come back home. The boys are healthy. They won’t stop eating. Dele has gotten his sentence, 25 years in prison. I don’t know how I feel about that. Chinedu got a life sentence, it won’t bring my babies back but I pray he lives long enough to suffer every pain he put me through.

I am writing Dele a letter, I am thanking him for being a great husband, an amazing liar, a good father and a big pretender. I am not sure if I can forgive him.

I have made my mistakes, I don’t know what I could have done differently. I know I lost my kids and my husband in one week. That’s enough reason to die. But I have chosen to live for my boys.

For these ones I would kill.

***The END***


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Posted: January 21, 2014 in Guests' Couch, Poems, Short Stories
Tags: , , , , , , , ,


Arrogant,boastful and stupid
Due in years and Grey
Lacking wisdom of the drain
Unforgiving,Proud and a Failed Man
Words of acclaim importance not far fetched
Emptiness of asset and clamorous Talks
Peace in Argument,unending profiety

Your world is empty
So are your words
Your future is indeed Far
Not as others
You Mockness is near
Not again as others
I fear not for you
My Favour is gone with Me

Desist Not, Hell needs you
Fight Hard, you might win and Fail
Remember me to learn from your fears and Fall
I shall not go with you, I am not Wise to
When all this is over, find your worth
Your words of Pain and Hopelessness
May your Life not be so
Well, I might wish, Not sow.

©Miss Oluwaseun
Email Miss Seun

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Dear diary blog

Jan 9th, 2014.

I’m not sure what today’s date is. I wake up startled. My head hurts. I look around slowly, and then I remember the accident. I’m not sure what really happened but I’m sure I’m in a hospital. I look to my right and my mum is holding my hand and my sister is on my other side almost suffocating me with her ball tummy.

I am not feeling too much pain but I need to dramatize my return to the world, I always tell my friends that if I’d ever faint and wake up not too shaken, I’d add some drama to my return.

“Where am I?” I shout. I hear Dean burst into laughter from somewhere in the room, he must have remembered, I smile.

Everyone starts talking at the same time, then they stop and let my mum explain to me how I’m in the hospital and how I drove into a ditch to avoid a head to head collision with a trailer. She tells me no one died and that the doctor says I am going to be fine.

I sit up to see my entire family and friends in my hospital room; they all look horrible but relieved that I am awake.

My mum goes on to tell me how my darling Lagosians had been robbing me while others were rushing me to the hospital. Chai! My 5S was gone.

I didn’t know when I said “Chai! My 5S” out loud!

Loty is the one who replies “Shei if you had died, you would have been using 5S to call us from heaven? Ode!”

Everyone starts laughing. I didn’t have energy for any comebacks so I just smile.

Ahem“, that was my dad. “Let leave the girl to rest, besides Dean wants to talk to her.”

Shei this Dean does not understand English? I’m sure if I had died he would have brought that ring to my funeral to propose. This guy don tire me.

Omalicha” I hear him say, I start laughing. His American accent did the word no justice.

“Please who is teaching you Ibo?!” I ask.

Ehen! So your tongue is still sharp after sleeping for two days? You dey craze.”

2 days? So I was asleep for 2 days, that one no be sleep now, na coma.

I was still thinking when I hear Dean say “Baby, why you no wan marry me now? Abi I get craw-craw for body?”

Sigh. Dean thinks everything is a joke.

Next thing I hear is “This your hospital gown is fine o, your figure is even more pronounced.”

Dean is an idiot; I wonder what he told my father that he wanted to say to me that made them pack everyone out of the room.

“Dean, I’m sorry I can’t marry you or anyone. I’m sorry I lied to you when you asked me about my genotype, I am SS. I know I lied that I was AS but when you said you were also AS, I was convinced that I didn’t need to tell you the truth because we can’t get married anyways. I’m sorry.” I am already crying and I look up to see Dean smiling at me.

“Neni, you are a mumu sha. So you think I didn’t know? How can we love together for so long and you’d think I don’t know that you are SS? All those your drugs that you always sneak to take, na wa for you. I’ve known since the week we moved in together, I hate that you lied to me but I understand. By the way I am AA and I just enjoyed punishing you. I still want to marry your lying ass though” Dean said.

I am elated to hear all these. But I wonder what Dean would say when I tell him I don’t want kids because I am scared of dying at childbirth.

He brings out the ring and turns to me with a mischievous smile on his face, bends down really close and whispers silently

“You are pregnant.”

I fainted again.



The Grudge



I wake up to an amazing warm weather. I move closer to my husband and suddenly I remember what had transpired the day before and I move away. I quickly get up and run to the kids’ wing of our suite, they are still asleep. The life of a child is so easy; the twins have slept through the entire ordeal. I wish they can sleep till we get to SA so I do not have to deal with the insistent questions my 4year olds like to grill me with, especially with the impending situation. I start setting out their clothes for the day as I feel small hands hugging me from behind.

“Good morning mummy” that’s Daniella, my bubbly four year old.

I pick her up and sit on the floor, “why are you crying mummy?” she asks. I laugh.

The questions have begun, as I start explaining how ‘something’ got into my eyes, I hear her brother calling out for his daddy.

“Daddy, what are we doing in this fine place?” I laugh and call him to sit with his sister and me.

I start telling them about our ‘vacation’ in South Africa and they sound excited. They ask if we are already in South Africa and I tell them that we would leave soon. I put on the television and put the channel on Cartoon network, this should keep them busy, till I organize my thoughts.

Daniel calls out to me, “Mummy, what about school?” That’s my little whiz kid. Apparently, he would rather go to school than travel for a vacation. Dele saves me by explaining that his school is so on vacation; I doubt he believes but he gets carried away by Dexter’s Lab.

My husband tries to hug me; I move away, he must be mad if he thinks I am going to act like all is well. I am so confused.

Dele spends the whole day on the computer, making transfers, calling his offices and making arrangements. He is back to being the planner that I know. The kids are playing on the balcony and I sit and watch them. I am not sure if it’s even safe but I don’t know what is safe or unsafe anymore. I mean, I married a murderer, that is as unsafe as it gets, right? The fact that Dele was so rich at 27 when I met him should have made me think twice, but I didn’t. He told me his story, that his father died in an accident, his mother followed 3 years after suffering a stroke. He was 14 when she died and his only uncle threw him out. He had traded spare parts, served a master for four years and eventually got his freedom. He told me how he started his own spare parts business at 18 and moved to Lagos after his business grew. Before we got married I met his uncle and his uncle did not dispute the story. In fact, he was apologetic for throwing Dele out. My family loves Dele; my mum cannot get over his smile, his ‘sincerity’ and his doting attitude.

My mum! I should call my mum as I recalled she was supposed to visit today. I need to find an excuse so she doesn’t bother coming. I will call her when we go inside.

My phone rings, It is my mum, I smile and answer, “Hello Mum” I hear her crying.

She tells me that there were men in front of my gate when she got there and that they took her away, something about dealing with Dele. She is saying many things at the same time; I don’t know what dropped first, my phone or my body, as I faint. I wake up to my husband and kids sitting around me anxiously waiting and worry written over their faces. I am not sure I want to wake up, my head hurts. Dele is holding my hand.

I smile at them as Daniella chimes, “She is awake.” I smile and kiss both of them.

I don’t know what time it is but I tell Dele to put them to bed. He takes them out of the room quietly.

When he comes back, I look at him and ask “Is Chinedu punishing me or you? Why does he have my mother? What is going on? What are you doing?” Finally I inform him, “I am calling the police.”

He tells me to shut up, that he has everything under control. I should worry about myself and the kids. I don’t know this man, he speaks like a calculated criminal. I cry myself to sleep, there is no point talking to this man.



I can hear Ann’s voice, “Are you sure you are not marrying him for his money? Is it because of the gifts he has been buying for you? Do you really love him?”

She kept asking foolish questions, she was jealous of me and she was a bad friend, I thought to myself. At that moment I knew she wasn’t going to be on my bridal train.  I asked her to leave my room, we didn’t need to talk about it, and our friendship was over, just like that. I didn’t bother telling Dele what she said. She came to my wedding as a regular guest, she tried to smile but it was obvious she was not happy for me. Thinking about it now, I guess she just had my best interest at heart.

When she was getting married, I attended her wedding. It was a low-key wedding. She was pregnant, her husband was poor, I gave her a cheque as her wedding present, she never cashed it and I really didn’t care.

I wonder why I am thinking of Ann this morning, I haven’t thought of her for such a long time. I should talk to her or someone. I am scared, my mother is in an unknown location and I don’t know what to do.

I need to get up and attend to the kids. Dele is nowhere to be seen. I call room service for breakfast and proceed to wake the kids up.

I don’t bother calling Dele to ask where he is, I am sure he is somewhere planning and trying to get my mother back. I have to stay put and do nothing. The idea of just being useless upsets me. I didn’t call my shop attendants yesterday and they didn’t call me either. However, they are used to me not showing up sometimes. I put a call through to make sure everything is okay. I tell the girl in charge to pay every dime they have made in the last few days into my account. She doesn’t hesitate, she promises to do as she is told.

I am relieved that we leave this country in 2 days. I never imagined that I would become displaced. The kids are fighting about something, they are giving me a headache. Dele calls to ensure we are fine, I answer him dryly and tell him not to worry. He tells me that he left the car for me. I am to pack our stuff and move to another hotel. He has sent me the address and we are expected there in 2 hours. I think he is deliberately breaking this news over the phone because he knows I would have hit him if he was here.

I hang up and start packing. This wasn’t what I bargained for.



I hate this new place. It is small, the kids and I slept on the only bed. Dele didn’t come back to us last night and I am too angry to care.

I dial my mother’s number, I hear a male voice, “Elizabeth, I will not kill your mother, but I want those kids in exchange for her.”

Before I could say a word he hangs up. I call Dele immediately and recount what had just happened. He starts shouting and reminding me that he had it under control and how he regrets giving me all that information. I break down and start crying. He hates when I cry, he apologizes and tells me that he loves me and he misses the days when things were normal. He tells me it is going to be fine. He insists that we stay put as we are set to leave the country tomorrow.

The kids are calm today. I think they sense something is wrong. I cannot wait to be out of here. I cannot wait for my mother’s release. I am confused, does this Chinedu guy want me to hand him my kids to collect my mother? I love my mother but I cannot give up my kids for anyone. I am tempted to call back and negotiate with him but Dele’s voice is still ringing in my head.

The kids are asleep and I find myself drifting, my phone rings and I reach for it with speed.

It is Dele, “Open the door baby.” He says and I almost smile.

I miss my husband. I am too distressed to show it. He comes and lies with us on the bed. He tells me that he has spent about 20 million naira and my mum would be out by morning, she may even be at the airport to see us off. I want to ask why we were still traveling since he had paid Chinedu off, but my mind tells me that peace was far from us. He tells me he would join us in SA in a few weeks, that all my accounts were funded and all the property we have are now in my name. It sounds like my husband is talking to me for the last time. It sounds like a goodbye speech. I cry through it and he holds me tight. I needed to know something.

“Dele, are you the same man that murdered Chinedu’s father? Am I married to a criminal?” I ask.

He holds me and say, “I didn’t choose the streets, the streets chose me. As soon as I could break out, I did. You and the kids are all I have, I don’t care about money, I just want to spend my life being loved and respected by my family.”

I hold him close, I care about the money but I have grown to love this man. Look at the kids he gave me, look at the life we have. We make love and I can’t help but feel like it’s going to be our last time. I love him.



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Dear diary blog

Jan 5th – Jan 6th, 2014.

Dear Diary,

I was embarrassed to see my family; I wondered how much they had heard, from the look on my mum’s face I could tell that they had heard more than enough. I held Dean’s hand and walked him to the table; I was more than ready for the backlash.

Within 30 seconds everyone was seated at the table. I wondered who would speak first, was it going to be my dad, taking his role as head of this perfect God-centered family, or my mum, who had more than once told us about her sneaky past. Was it going to be Chucks, who I am sure was secretly hailing my in his heart or our self righteous sister, Ada, who could almost disown me for fornicating. We had head one time to many how she kept her virginity till her wedding night.

To my surprise it was Dean who broke the silence.

“I am sorry for the Erm, erm the incident; I know it was disrespectful of us to do that especially in the presence of the entire family. Despite our unruly behavior, I really hope this would not stand against me as I want to be a part of your family. I want to ask your permission to marry Nnenna’ Dean said.

“What?!” we all shouted. I seemed like I was the most shocked. I should be considering the fact that I was hearing this for the first time. A few seconds had passed and no one had said anything, then it occurred to me that I was the one who had to reply since I had just received a proposal.

“Dean, you don’t have to, no one said you must marry me because of what just happened,  my parents are not forcing you to marry me, It’s not like I lost my virginity to you, I …”

Chucks shouted, “Abeg Neni, TMI, we don’t need the details.” Then he chuckled.

I was so embarrassed, I walked outside, I was tempted to light a cigarette, but then that was another thing my parents didn’t know about.  Dean spent a few more minutes inside before coming out to meet me. I went back inside to say goodbye to my family and happy birthday to mum again, they said they were not happy to see me leave but I had work the next day anyway. It was amazing how Dean’s proposal had saved me from all the shouting.

Dean was already seated in the driver’s seat and I got in as we set out on our almost wordless trip. Dean is such an idiot, how could that have been the next thing that came to his mind? What if I was one of those marriage hungry girls that would jump on any proposal? He would have been in a mess by now.

We got home to our empty apartment and I was already making my way to bed when Dean pulled me back into the sitting room, without a word he carried me and put me on his lap. He kissed me everywhere while giving me a massage, my muscles were so tensed, I felt relieved with every touch. How could one single man work up my sexual appetite this much? He massaged my boobs then sucked them like his life depended on it. This man was about to paralyze me with excitement. I couldn’t even remember why I had been mad at him. I couldn’t even remember his name by the time his fingers were between my legs. Not one man deserved to have this ability. I wasn’t sure if it was just because he knew my body or if he just knew how to please a woman. I tried to give him a thousand kisses back, I reached for his d*** but before I could get there he had gone down on me, I moaned or yelled, not sure how loud but I was dying from the pleasure. I wanted this man so bad. Just as I thought he was going to put himself inside me, he got up and carried me to bed. He fucked me senseless. I didn’t stand a chance against this man. Couldn’t he just be my boyfriend forever? I slept off with that thought.

I woke up late and saw a note on the bedside table.Picture1

I laughed, Dean is such an idiot but I was grateful that my idiot was so thoughtful. I checked the time, it was 10 am, I rushed in to have my bath, dressed and went to work. Dean had still not talked about yesterday. I was attracted to Dean because we shared the same ideologies; we both believed anarchism was the remedy for Nigeria and many countries of the world. We both felt marriage was totally unnecessary, that was one of the reasons his escape proposal pissed me so much.

I got to the restaurant to find that Dean had reserved a secluded area for us to eat, He smiled as I walked in. I was so sure he was reminiscing about the gibberish I kept uttering last night. I walked towards him and before I could say Jack Robinson, baba had gone on one knee, what is he doing? I thought. Has an evil spirit come over this man? As he brought out the ring I turned and ran out of the restaurant.

Dean would not understand why I couldn’t get married. I had never even thought of marrying anyone. I started crying as soon as I got into my car, I didn’t need all this rubbish. I called my best friend ‘Loty ’to tell her I was on my way to her place, she kept asking why I was crying but I told her to wait for me to get there first .

I wasn’t concentrating but I saw a little boy run into the front of my car, I tried to avoid him by maneuvering, next thing I saw was a trailer driving towards me on high speed.



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